About seventy-five percent of my thoughts in the last several months have been devoted to deciding whether or not I am ready to query. As I’ve said a million times, it’s sometimes almost impossible to pull yourself out of your own work to get some perspective on it to realize what’s great, what’s okay, what’s flat out unusable - and whether that package means query-ready or not. So, instead of stopping to “yes” or “no” myself definitively, I’ve just kept on editing and squelching the question like I squelch the desire to subsist off of cupcakes. (I am happy to report that they’ve both worked - thus far.)
I am very, very glad I waited.
For the first time in months, I feel like I have a real perspective on what’s missing - and I can definitively say “no, I’m not ready right this second” without judging myself. And that’s because I have goals in mind of what needs to change.
The biggest indicator that I’ve grown as an editor is that I’ve finally become able to identify the opportunities I’ve created in my prose and not seized. Though many of the words look tired to me because I can (and probably do) recite them verbatim in my sleep, I feel an almost physical change with the way I look at the story - what I’m looking for, how I itemize the issues, and how I deal with them. I’ve started creating lists and charts of places where characters appear, certain plot elements are spoken about, etc, and have been able to almost scientifically pear down the problems. Taking my emotional attachment away for a little while lifts me up and out of my body - and unfetters my mind from style, word count, and ownership in which authors can inevitably become lost.
I think I’m not terrified of editing now because I no longer feel without an endpoint. Just because I’m not ready to query this second doesn’t mean I never will be - and it doesn’t mean that it won’t be soon. It will. I know what I have left to accomplish, and have reasoned with myself to get to that point, stop questioning whether it’s enough, and trust that my goal is meaningful. It is.
M
